Against my will, I am a single mom.
It has been this way since my child’s father left us four months pregnant–although he would dispute the use of the words left, us, or most certainly abandoned. I have been a reluctant (to say the least) single mama since before our daughter was born. So I suppose while I am new to motherhood, you might say I have always been a single parent.
If I’m being honest, I suspect we are a different breed. Single mothers who vehemently never wanted to be in this alone, we were perhaps never sure if we even wanted to be a mom at all. We carry this feeling of being MADE a single mother by the One we trusted most. We feel this madeness, this lack of choice and lack of support pretty much from the get-go of pregnancy. And for some of us it crowds out much of the joy and expectation surrounding the miracle of birth.
So yes, I may only speak for myself. Other single mamas might have a different experience or perspective, I know. But I suspect there are at least a few of you out there who do feel as I do. Who feel made. And forced. Guilty. And powerless.
I for one, on many days, do feel made. I feel like I had no choice in the matter about becoming a single mother. I feel that choice was made for me when my ex decided to check out of our elationship and become a distant dad. It’s heavy and certainly a giant disappointment in my life. But, I refuse to let his leaving me and our daughter dictate the kind of mother I am or will be. I have a wonderful nine month old daughter for whom I choose to be an attached parent (thank you, Dr. Sears). I go as far as being a single stay at home mom working on carving out a career to support myself and her. I make the choices I believe are best for her and attempt to not be swayed by a lack of resources, support, or involvement from her father. It isn’t easy but I believe it’s a worthy sacrifice.
If you got pregnant and were left by the man you loved and trusted to put you in that position, this blog might be especially for you. If you’re a parent who appreciates honesty about the challenge of child rearing, we also likely have a lot to talk about. At any rate, this is my story. This is my daughter’s story. Single Mama Comma is all about the roles we play, the hats we wear, and the people we become after having a child. It’s about the many moving, constant changing pieces of life and parenthood. It’s about holding fast to the dreams we hold and the the people we want to be.
They say having a baby changes everything. Well, I know it’s changing me.